ADHD affects people of all ages and presents uniquely in each individual. From managing impulsivity to struggling with focus, the experiences of those with ADHD can vary widely, making it a rich and diverse topic to explore.
The press is currently engulfed by information about the increasing numbers of older people in their 40’s and 50’s being diagnosed with ADHD. It’s also bringing to our attention the massive waiting lists for children and young people, to see a paediatric consultant through CAMHS, which in some areas can be as long as four years.
So, what about the parents of children and young people who are lost in this chaotic system, waiting for some sort of diagnosis. Well, we get to know quite a lot of them at Stop Breathe Think.
Exhausted by the experience of having a child or young person you love and often don’t understand can be overwhelming, particularly if you have other children. So, in desperation parents come to us hoping that we can diagnose their child, unfortunately we can’t. Our counsellors are not qualified to make these sorts of diagnosis.
What we can do is help the child or young person to understand how their brain works and give them some coping strategies.
Let’s look at the average ADHD emotional overload response – rage.
Flooding
Personally, one of the most helpful things I have learned about ADHD is flooding. This is when the brain becomes overwhelmed with emotions that an ADHD brain cannot regulate. The executive function of the brain does not control emotional responses in the same way as it does with a non-ADHD brain. Therefore, the individual will experience complete overload which often leads to an emotional melt down.
Here are three strategies you can think about and implement to help yourself and the child or young person when in this situation.
Don’t raise your voice
For a parent or carer witnessing a melt down it can be very upsetting. If misunderstood some might raise their own voice and think the child is choosing to behave badly. This can be especially difficult if in a public space. There will be a perceived pressure to address your child’s behaviour in a typical parental stance, instructing them to stop and behave differently, which will have no positive affect, it will just escalate the situation. However, if we look at this behaviour through the lens of emotional regulation it gives us the choice of using another approach.
Give the child space
They are in overwhelm and cannot respond to you in this phase. So let them express their anger safely, this might be a physical activity such as pushing against a wall multiple times, punching a cushion or jumping up and down, (trampolines are great for releasing the anger and tension.)
Validate their experience
Once this phase has calmed reassure them of your love and empathy, validate their experience of overwhelm and let them know they are understood. Then when they are completely calm, explain to them how their behaviour affected you and others around them.
Building a relationship with your child or young person, where they trust you to stand with them and support them is vital to finding a way forward, which will be different for everyone.
The link below is a useful resource for parents of those with ADHD. We hope you find this helpful.
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/adhd/
